Isherwood, Christopher.

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To Andrew, Christopher Isherwood meant boys.

Andrew would stand in Barnes and Noble near the books of Christopher Isherwood fidgeting, watching for his parents or his brother or a familiar face, ready at any moment to shift focus away from the small selection of books by Christopher Isherwood on the shelf. Andrew thought that maybe just maybe a boy or man would be near the book or the shelf and he would know that to Andrew, Christopher Isherwood meant boys. And finally, Andrew would feel validated and alive.

The first Chistopher Isherwood book that Andrew touched and removed from the shelf and held and cracked open was The Berlin Stories. Two short novels, really, the cover of The Berlin Stories was daring: a black and white, blury photo or drawing of a woman drinking, bouncing on a smoking man's lap. So, cracking open the book and careful to still watch for the approaching familiar face, Andrew read these words: "I am a camera."

And I am too, thought Andrew. I am watching for my family or my brother or a familiar face like, and like a camera not responding, only capturing their presence or nonpresence. I am standing here holding open a book, back to the wall, like a camera waiting for it all to finally click.