birth

we wake up smiling when the phone rings
and you tell me cereal is on the way

your roommate answers the phone
i can hear her
and i know that today will be unlike any other
but i'm not quite sure how just yet

like when i first met you i knew there was something happening
or that i felt something but didn't know if it was trust or disinterest
or perhaps the first wave of love

i am buried under the covers
your covers and blue
dark dark blue

the sun is moving like liquid through the blinds
and making thin, perfect parallel lines on the door
that we pretend is a wall

like a blank and unique piece of paper
only not - it's a door.

last night we had celebrated friendships and moving on -
our friends' moving on
because we weren't going anywhere yet
or so we thought or so i thought

and it was magical
like a clear color, maybe lime green or gold

and that's all i can say about it
that it was magical and suddenly, strangely present

that's exactly how i felt for the first time in years
i felt present
completely

but your roommate sarah my best friend
is still on the phone but this is only a moment
only a moment has passed since we woke up together
smiling when the phone rings
and you offer to make me breakfast

and suddenly there you are
without food but telling me my brother is on the phone
like it's a question and it is.

so many things jump through my head at that moment:

had i told him about you - i think i had -
but had i given him your telephone number?
and why on a sunday? in the morning before breakfast?

i consider the possibilities
and reason with a turning stomach and a pierced heart
as you rest the pink 'hello kitty' telephone in my shaking hand,

the look in your eyes like being born.